Monday, 21 September 2009

Mark Hughes Consoles Craig Bellamy

Mark Hughes consoles Craig Bellamy (left) in the Old Trafford toilets after a last minute winner from Michael Owen gave United all three points against Manchester City. Bellamy was heard repeatedly sobbing: "We was robbed boyo" for at least an hour after the game.

There are unsubstantiated reports that Hughes has made an appointment for him to see a psychiatrist.

After a huge bang was heard in Manchester yesterday afternoon police have reassured concerned residents, it was only Manchester City's bubble bursting.

Saturday, 19 September 2009

Manchester United v Manchester City

Tomorrow (Sunday 20 September) sees the first Manchester Derby since Manchester City officially became the most deluded football club in the world. This Sporting Life predicts the following result:

Manchester United 3 World's Most Deluded Football Club 0

Anybody in Manchester tomorrow afternoon should be warned, there will be lots of loud bangs as Manchester City fans' bubbles burst. But don't worry, the red three quarters of Manchester will be in celebratory and jovial mood, and they are the ones who know how to party, so join them and have a good time.

Thursday, 17 September 2009

Things They Say

Alan Minter- "Sure, there have been deaths in boxing but none of them

Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator- "And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

New Zealand Rugby Commentator- "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson
comes inside of him."

Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator- "This is really a lovely horse. I
once rode her mother."

Winston Bennett- "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of
my body."

Murray Walker- F1 Racing Commentator- "The lead car is absolutely unique,
except for the one behind it which is identical."

Greg Norman- "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my Father and Mother."

Terry Venables- "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect
the same thing again."

Ron Atkinson- "I would not say that David Ginola is the best left winger
in the Premiership, but there are none better."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977- "Ah, isn't that
nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford

Metro Radio- "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven
Dicks on the field."

David Acfield- "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seems to hang
in the air for even longer."

Stuart Hall- Radio 5 live- "What will you do when you leave football,
Jack? Will you stay in football?"

David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics- "And there goes Juantorena down
the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."

US PGA Commentator- "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing
so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them.... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked "So Bob, where's
that eight inches you promised me last night? " Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so much.

Tuesday, 1 September 2009

Manchester City Fan Speaks Out

Tracy from Stockport says: "City are brill, I've loved 'em since I was born a mong, well since Robinho signed for 'em. United have bought loads of titles, bastards, now we have loads of dosh we'll win loads of trophy things but we'll do it on merit".

That's the difference between a real football fan and a City fan!

From Teletext letters:

Re: Andy, Manchester. Easy money has made Manchester City and their fans lose all sense of proportion. Bellamy, Wright-Phillips, Tevez and co are Galacticos? Rejecticos more like!
Gregg Beaman

FC United Win

Ossett 1 FC United 2

Missed the game today but well done chaps. Will be there on Saturday at Kendal.