Monday, 21 September 2009

Mark Hughes Consoles Craig Bellamy


Mark Hughes consoles Craig Bellamy (left) in the Old Trafford toilets after a last minute winner from Michael Owen gave United all three points against Manchester City. Bellamy was heard repeatedly sobbing: "We was robbed boyo" for at least an hour after the game.

There are unsubstantiated reports that Hughes has made an appointment for him to see a psychiatrist.

After a huge bang was heard in Manchester yesterday afternoon police have reassured concerned residents, it was only Manchester City's bubble bursting.

Saturday, 19 September 2009

Manchester United v Manchester City

Tomorrow (Sunday 20 September) sees the first Manchester Derby since Manchester City officially became the most deluded football club in the world. This Sporting Life predicts the following result:

Manchester United 3 World's Most Deluded Football Club 0

Anybody in Manchester tomorrow afternoon should be warned, there will be lots of loud bangs as Manchester City fans' bubbles burst. But don't worry, the red three quarters of Manchester will be in celebratory and jovial mood, and they are the ones who know how to party, so join them and have a good time.

Thursday, 17 September 2009

Things They Say

Alan Minter- "Sure, there have been deaths in boxing but none of them
serious."

Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator- "And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

New Zealand Rugby Commentator- "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson
comes inside of him."

Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator- "This is really a lovely horse. I
once rode her mother."

Winston Bennett- "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of
my body."

Murray Walker- F1 Racing Commentator- "The lead car is absolutely unique,
except for the one behind it which is identical."

Greg Norman- "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my Father and Mother."

Terry Venables- "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect
the same thing again."

Ron Atkinson- "I would not say that David Ginola is the best left winger
in the Premiership, but there are none better."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977- "Ah, isn't that
nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford
crew."

Metro Radio- "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven
Dicks on the field."

David Acfield- "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seems to hang
in the air for even longer."

Stuart Hall- Radio 5 live- "What will you do when you leave football,
Jack? Will you stay in football?"

David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics- "And there goes Juantorena down
the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."

US PGA Commentator- "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing
so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them.... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked "So Bob, where's
that eight inches you promised me last night? " Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so much.

Tuesday, 1 September 2009

Manchester City Fan Speaks Out



Tracy from Stockport says: "City are brill, I've loved 'em since I was born a mong, well since Robinho signed for 'em. United have bought loads of titles, bastards, now we have loads of dosh we'll win loads of trophy things but we'll do it on merit".

That's the difference between a real football fan and a City fan!

From Teletext letters:

Re: Andy, Manchester. Easy money has made Manchester City and their fans lose all sense of proportion. Bellamy, Wright-Phillips, Tevez and co are Galacticos? Rejecticos more like!
Gregg Beaman

FC United Win

Ossett 1 FC United 2

Missed the game today but well done chaps. Will be there on Saturday at Kendal.

Monday, 31 August 2009

Wenger The Mard Arse


Arsenal lose and guess what? Yes, Wenger cries like a big girl. If you want a laugh here is the full BBC report.

Arsene Wenger (left) being consoled by Pat Rice in the Old Trafford toilets.

Saturday, 22 August 2009

Retford 1 FC United of Manchester 1

First point of the season for FC, well done lads.

And Man United won 5-0 at Wigan.

Not a bad day, shame the Berties won though, they'll be getting all giddy again.

Liverpool FC-Fan Focus

Mandy was voted Liverpool's sexiest female supporter last season by readers of Liverpool's fanzine 'Trains, Planes and Automobile Thieves'.

She works as a pie taster for Murphy's Pride of Scouse Bakers. As a dedicated lifelong fan the club give her a special discount on her season ticket and only charge her for one seat.

She famously did a half-time belly dance in Istanbul in 2005, AC Milan claim that the effect on their players led to them throwing away a 3-0 lead and losing the final.

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Speedway

If you've never experienced Speedway racing then you really should. This race, from 2004, captures all the skill, speed,excitement and danger of the sport. Go on, give it a try, you know you should!