A Manchester City Joke

A man goes into a pub in Manchester with an alligator under his arm.
"Do you serve City fans in here?" He asks.
"Certainly sir, no problem at all," replies the barman, nervously staring at the alligator.
"Okay," says the man, "a pint of lager for me and a City fan for the alligator."

Red Bull X Fighters

They're back, putting our pampered, overpaid, poncey footballers to shame:

Barclays Premier League 2010

So the pampered, overpaid, talentless ponces have slunk back into the country after a shocking World Cup. No sooner are they back than the likes of United, Chelsea and even smaller clubs like Manchester City are off on money making tours playing pre-season friendlies on other continents. Then, before you know it, managers will be whining about playing too much football. Bollocks!

Professional clubs in this country have shafted fans for far too long, and the fans have just lay there and taken it. Just take a look at things in an objective way. Is what you pay for a game really value for money? Do you really find the Premier League as attractive and exciting as its publicity people make it out to be? Are you happy being policed as if you were a dangerous convict rather than a spectator at a sporting event? Do you actually feel a part of your football club or do you feel like a customer at a great, impersonal corporation?

Make a stand this year and boycott professional football. Hitting them in their pockets is the only way to make a difference.

Speedway Racing

As the speedway season approaches here is a wonderful short film about one of the toughest, most adrenaline fuelled and exciting sports you'll find:



And to show how popular the sport remains in England here is a link to the website of Belle Vue Aces, describing plans for their wonderful new stadium in Gorton, Manchester.

Manchester City FC-Happy 34th Anniversary

We would like to wish Manchester City FC, their staff and supporters a very happy 34th anniversary for Sunday.

Considering they are such a massive club, with a massive council house ground, with massive curly stairways up the outside, a massive fan base with massive corner flags on their massive pitch, massive numbers of celebrity fans like Curly Watts and that singer Peter Kaye called a knobhead on the Brits, it really is an achievement to go 34 years without winning a trophy.

Then of course there is that famous boast that "Ciddee fans are all Mancunians, Trafford United fans are all Cockneys", so following, from the MCFC supporters' club website, are just some of their Manchester based supporters' clubs. Or are they?

Bath & Wiltshire
Belfast
Blackpool And Fylde
Bolton
Brantwood Belfast
Carlisle & District
Cheadle
Coleraine
Cookstown
Cork
County Wicklow
Dubai
Dublin
Dukinfield
Dundalk
Gloucester & Cheltenham
Greece
Guernsey
Hazel Grove
Isle Of Man
Lincoln
Mcfc America
Milton Keynes
New York City
Northenden (Trafford)
South West
Southport
Spanish Blue Moon
Stretford & Urmston (Trafford)
Sussex
Thailand
Thames Valley
Warrington
Woodside

My word, Manchester has expanded faster than Germany under Adolf Hitler. Wonder if there is now incessant drizzle in Dubai? And is there a Metrolink that runs to Thailand from St Peter's Square?

Anyway happy 34th anniversary MCFC and here's to the next 34 years. Hope you all enjoy this:

Carling Cup Semi-Finals

Here is the draw for the Carling Cup semi-finals. Just click on each club to visit their websites and find out all about them:

Manchester City v Manchester United

Blackburn Rovers v Aston Villa

FC United of Manchester

Due to an unfortunate mishap on the M6 en route, I missed yesterday's wonderful (by all accounts) 3-3 draw with Stalybridge Celtic in the FA Cup. But I will be driving very carefully on Tuesday to the replay.

As some consolation I received these photos of the game via Twitter.

Ooohh FC United!

Thanks to FCUM and Helen for Tweeting details.

Mark Hughes Consoles Craig Bellamy

Mark Hughes consoles Craig Bellamy (left) in the Old Trafford toilets after a last minute winner from Michael Owen gave United all three points against Manchester City. Bellamy was heard repeatedly sobbing: "We was robbed boyo" for at least an hour after the game.

There are unsubstantiated reports that Hughes has made an appointment for him to see a psychiatrist.

After a huge bang was heard in Manchester yesterday afternoon police have reassured concerned residents, it was only Manchester City's bubble bursting.

Manchester United v Manchester City

Tomorrow (Sunday 20 September) sees the first Manchester Derby since Manchester City officially became the most deluded football club in the world. This Sporting Life predicts the following result:

Manchester United 3 World's Most Deluded Football Club 0

Anybody in Manchester tomorrow afternoon should be warned, there will be lots of loud bangs as Manchester City fans' bubbles burst. But don't worry, the red three quarters of Manchester will be in celebratory and jovial mood, and they are the ones who know how to party, so join them and have a good time.

Things They Say

Alan Minter- "Sure, there have been deaths in boxing but none of them
serious."

Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator- "And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

New Zealand Rugby Commentator- "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson
comes inside of him."

Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator- "This is really a lovely horse. I
once rode her mother."

Winston Bennett- "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of
my body."

Murray Walker- F1 Racing Commentator- "The lead car is absolutely unique,
except for the one behind it which is identical."

Greg Norman- "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my Father and Mother."

Terry Venables- "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect
the same thing again."

Ron Atkinson- "I would not say that David Ginola is the best left winger
in the Premiership, but there are none better."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977- "Ah, isn't that
nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford
crew."

Metro Radio- "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven
Dicks on the field."

David Acfield- "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seems to hang
in the air for even longer."

Stuart Hall- Radio 5 live- "What will you do when you leave football,
Jack? Will you stay in football?"

David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics- "And there goes Juantorena down
the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."

US PGA Commentator- "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing
so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them.... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked "So Bob, where's
that eight inches you promised me last night? " Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so much.

Manchester City Fan Speaks Out

Tracy from Stockport says: "City are brill, I've loved 'em since I was born a mong, well since Robinho signed for 'em. United have bought loads of titles, bastards, now we have loads of dosh we'll win loads of trophy things but we'll do it on merit".

That's the difference between a real football fan and a City fan!

From Teletext letters:

Re: Andy, Manchester. Easy money has made Manchester City and their fans lose all sense of proportion. Bellamy, Wright-Phillips, Tevez and co are Galacticos? Rejecticos more like!
Gregg Beaman

FC United Win

Ossett 1 FC United 2

Missed the game today but well done chaps. Will be there on Saturday at Kendal.