You've only got until 11-30pm to change your name to something exotic, preferably Spanish or Portuguese, and to get a mate to become your agent. He can then contact an idiot at an English football club and sell you for several million quid. All the better if you know a computer geek who can doctor a film of you, supposedly playing in South America, and post it on YouTube.
Sounds ridiculous? Remember Graham Souness and Ali Dia!
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